Praisworthy Praise vs. The Ever Popular Spouse Slamming

Welcome back to the Monday Morning Bragging Wife!

“Pleasure in being praised is not Pride…. For here the pleasure lies not in what you are but in the fact that you have pleased someone…” – C. S. Lewis

Lenny's Suit

How blessed am I to get praise that is praiseworthy?

But, truth be told, I have to admit that I have a personal praise preference.  Sounds spoiled perhaps, considering the rarity of praise.

But there is it.

My preference is for him to tell me the things he admires about me.  It makes me less self conscious and in private is when it really lands on my heart and lifts me up.

I also have an insecure side.  Surprise!

Considering that, when he praises me privately I know there could be no ulterior motive.  There is no one else around to be impressed or influenced by his words, so he must be saying only for the purpose of lifting me up, right?

So, how can I brag on him telling strangers what he admires about me when I prefer private praise?

I can brag on him for this because I know that he does have an ulterior motive when he does it.  And I love it!

I know that he’s trying to help those other listeners with his words about me.  He knows how rare it is to hear a man praise his spouse. (For the record, it may be even more rare to hear praise going the other direction).   He knows it makes total strangers, even, feel more secure to be in the presence of a man who has the leadership and confidence to lift his partner up in front of them.

He knows that hearing about other couples who have something working opens most people to the possibility of having more working themselves.

(This is why I love to see couples who buck the slam-your-spouse-in-front-of-others trend that the media models so well, incidentally.)

Lenny, regularly has the opportunity to influence what other people think and he uses it, to the best of his ability, to create a picture of something good for their lives.  Part of how he does that is by not hiding that we have a level of love and respect for each other that lots of people don’t have.

(Please don’t read that to say that we have it all together.  We don’t.  We mess up. Often.  But in the last couple of years, we have learned a couple of things.  And God finally got our attention.  That is the biggest thing we’ve got going. Many people don’t have that. If they can get it by hearing him praise me, I will endure the insecurities and flushed cheeks.)

As I mentioned above, I have moments when I feel insecure when he does this.

“He hasn’t told me that. Is it just for show?”

This type of thought has crossed my mind, I’m not proud to say.  Even so, I can brag on him for speaking public praise about me because of how rare it is to hear.  And because I know it means that, even if he’s stumbled, even if I’ve stumbled – even when we’ve both messed up royally which we do, on occasion –  he’s still purposely looking for things he admires about me.

How blessed and I to have a man who wants to bless me with his words?

Your Turn!

How blessed are you by your spouse?  What does he do – on purpose – to bless you?

Happy Wives Club

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7 thoughts on “Praisworthy Praise vs. The Ever Popular Spouse Slamming

  1. What a lovely post! Thank you for sharing.

    My hubby made me dinner yesterday for my birthday complete with a birthday cake that he baked for me. I was touched by this sweet act of service…and enjoyed every bite!


  2. My hubby does not hesitate to tell the world how much he adores me–and the feeling is mutual. I’m truly blessed. Thanks for linking up with HWC!

    Christy Joy


      1. Hi Colleen, I felt compelled to respond to your question, although it was addressed to Christy Joy. Please forgive my impertinence. 🙂

        The last couple of places I worked I was surrounded by women who spent their spare moments bashing their husbands. Through a hushed conversation one day, I learned my one other quiet co-worker was very happily married. Although I generally respond to the bashing parties with a positive about marriage and my hubbie, I found the response tended to be dismissive, disbelieving or downright angry. Eventually I just made sure I wasn’t in the vicinity for such conversations.

        I always thought I was pretty alone until I started meeting like-minded women on the internet, especially like those at the Happy Wives Club. How refreshing to know there are so many who love their hubbies!

        Your question made me curious: what has been your experience?


      2. I don’t find it at all impertinent, Kim. A shared experience and perspective is always welcome!

        Personally, my experience has been very much like yours. There was a time when I would have been one of those to some degree. I’ve never been big into gossip in general though, so it wasn’t my auto pilot, per se, but something I would fall into if that’s the way the conversation was trending.

        In the last few years, I have learned much though. And, I’ve found a community of people who not only speak highly of their spouses but actively teach the importance of doing it and how to learn to have a relationship that you want to speak highly of. I have been blessed beyond reason by this great community. And they’re real, in the flesh people!

        Though I love that there is a great online presence of people who think like I do, I still find it a little disheartening that most people have to live their ‘real lives’ among the negative thinking and talking warm bodies and only get uplifting, caring words from the glow of their computer screens.

        I hope you’ve found some warm bodies who share your outlook and choose to live up to it.

        Thanks for commenting. This is a big topic, worthy of much discussion, for sure.


  3. How sweet! He is a blessing to you, and to countless others. It is so refreshing to meet couples who refuse to not only bash each other in public, but lavish love on one another instead. Thanks for sharing at NOBH!


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