5 Torturous Valentines Traps

Do you love your husband?

Are  you head over heals for your boyfriend?

How about you, Mom? Do you have a heart for your son or grandson?

Of course you do.  We love our men, don’t we?

Then why do we have a national torture and belittle-him holiday?  I mean, there are so many hoops they have to jump through and tests that they can never quite pass involved in Valentines Day.  And, it’s not even a statutory holiday where they can at least get paid without going to work!

In fact, not only do they not get the day off, but once the workday is done, our culture makes them pay. Big time.  And we – their loving and supporting women – very often participate.

How does celebrating Valentine’s Day constitute torture and belittling?  Glad you asked!

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Here are 5 Torturous Valentine’s Traps we set for our men:

1. Chocolate

Because I can find reasons that you should buy chocolate and reasons that you shouldn’t.  But don’t stress about it.  I’m sure you’ll make the right choice.

2. Gifts

Jewels? A vacation?  Expensive clothing? Theatre tickets? A day at the spa? Just be careful.  Too cheap a gift means I’m not valuable to you. But too expensive a gift says you don’t care about our finances.

3. Flowers

Will I get roses?  Or at least some kind of flowers? Or will you get me a plant that will last?  Roses are nice but they may fall into the ‘too expensive’ category in number 2. A potted plant could be a kind thought that I will be able to enjoy longer or simply a sign that it’s more important that you get your money’s worth from a plant that won’t die later this week than to be romantic.

4. Take Me to Dinner

Have you made reservations for the most expensive restaurant in town?  Remember the line between too cheap and too expensive. It’s a fine line but it’s there.  You might want to get out your microscope to help you find it.  And be careful, if the right restaurant financially just happens to be one that you like a lot, it might not be the right one after all.  Does it serve too much of the type of menu you prefer compared to my preferred eats?  Tread carefully, men!

5. Popping the Question

Have you planned to propose to me in the most perfect way on the most perfect day? Brave soul!  Is the ring big enough?  Did you ask my Dad?  There are lots of ways to mess this one up.  And good or bad, we’ll remember it annually for the rest of our married life! Yippee!  That is, if I say yes.  Good luck!

I’m obviously exaggerating (a little!).  But if it’s right to follow not only the letter of the law but also the spirit of the law, then we should perhaps look closely at the spirit of our Valentine’s Day expectations.  Are we making sure that this deep winter holiday is a mutually enjoyable celebration of our love for each other?  Or, on some level, are we testing?

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”  – Mahatma Gandhi

And how about this one?

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. – Proverbs 31:10
Who wouldn’t love to know that they had earned the description “worth far more than rubies”?  There are some instructions in the Bible about being a good wife but I’m pretty sure none of them give us free reign to put our men through the kinds of torture that our culture promotes around Valentine’s Day.
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If you realize you’ve been using V-day as a pass/fail measuring stick that is constantly changing, don’t be too hard on yourself!
After all, there are mega-millions of advertising dollars at work specifically to train you to think that way.  Give yourself some grace, be brave and step away from the expectations around Valentine’s Day.

Better yet, give your man all the grace and set up some new expectations for how you’re going to make it a great day for him.

Check out these great articles on how to wow him this Friday and come back and let me know how it goes!

Make Valentine’s Day Celebrate Your Marriage Day!

Why I Stopped Celebrating Valentine’s Day

Why Romance is Dangerous Business . . . for Husbands

photo credit: ArloMagicMan via photopin cc
photo credit: Caro Wallis via photopin cc

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